Today is World AIDS Day

I wasn't going to blog about it because I hardly feel qualified to comment on it. To my knowledge, I don't know anyone who has or had AIDS, so other than growing up in the shadow of condom billboards, my life hasn't been touched by the disease.

But from my Christian perspective, I realized I do have some things to say.

In its early days, AIDS was miscast as a gay disease. I have heard loud Bible Thumping televangelists declare that AIDS is God's retribution for gay sin.

This is clearly not how I see the issue. Because this is not how I see God.

My God created Heaven and Earth. He created Man in his image and we are all perfect in His site, even if we are flawed by sin. We are all perfect creations of God. Born just as God intended each one of us to be.

I have spoken to enough gay people to know that they were born gay. I have grown up with enough gay people to clearly see— sometimes before it was even clear to them — that they're gay. I know being gay isn't something a person chooses. It is just who they are.

The God I know, the God I believe in, wouldn't punish someone for being who He created that person to be. I can't and won't believe that. The God I know is merciful and forgiving. Slow to anger and loves righteousness.

I have often wondered if God's intended purpose for homosexuality — or same-sex attraction as some churches call it — is to test pious religious people.

God calls us to love our neighbor, regardless of who that is. And our neighbor is defined as everyone else on Planet Earth. To not be able to love someone because of their sexual identification, or their race, or because they just annoy the ever-living daylights out of you, is not a true Christian way to behave.

Please Help Reunite This Family

My rational mind cannot make sense of this. This morning, a couple spoke at Community Bible Study and told a story I just cannot wrap my head around.

For 593 days, Major John Jackson and his wife Carolyn have been in a fight with DYFS for their five children. To see and hear the couple, it is unfathomable that they don't have their children. They appear to be a God-fearing and God-honoring family. The husband is in the military and the wife is well-spoken, poised and sincere.

I know that I have only heard their side of the story, and I know that I can be naive, always believing the best in people. But even if only a kernel of their story is true, this is still an outrageous travesty and miscarriage of justice. I will try to make sense of it.

The back story: In 2006, the Jacksons, who already had three biological children, adopted a little boy named Joshua. He was born addicted to drugs and six-months premature. In his short life, he endured multiple hospital visits (during one of which he developed MRSA) and multiple surgeries. In 2008, he died from a congenital seizure disorder.

According to the Jacksons, the death was investigated by both State and Federal agencies (because they lived on a military base), as per protocol, and they were cleared of any culpabilities in his death.

A month after Joshua's death, the couple became foster parents to two little girls (their cousins) under an interstate agreement between Indiana and NJ DYFS. They had to pass home studies and DYFS scrutiny and in July 2009, the Jacksons formally adopted the two girls. The next month, John was deployed to Iraq.

For Thanksgiving and Christmas, with John still in Iraq, Carolyn took their five children to visit family in Indiana. When they returned home in January, the entire family came down with the flu. The baby, Chaya, was taken to the hospital and treated for extreme dehydration. In follow-up visits with the family doctor, the child was diagnosed with failure to thrive, and underwent monthly doctor visits and blood draws.

The injustice: In April 2010, Chaya became sick again, and was taken to St. Clare's hospital in Dover, N.J., then transferred to Morristown Memorial Hospital. There, a social worker who remembered the couple from Joshua's trips to the hospital, became suspicious ad contacted DYFS. According the Jacksons, the social worker failed to check records and told DYFS that Joshua died at home (instead of in the hospital where he actually died) and was cremated before an autopsy (which he actually had).

Instead of verifying the facts, DYFS did the unthinkable. They removed all the children from their care, citing imminent danger. They did not get a court order or followed the routine channels. Instead they took all five children from their home and split them into three homes. The children were denied comfort items from home. As a mom, the thought of Dan being denied his puppy and blanket — because they are reminders of home — is completely unfathomable. The kids were also denied family prayer books and even their Bibles.

The unbelievable: The DYFS that took these children from their home is the same Social Service organization that failed to act on allegations of abuse of children who ultimately died in both Newark and Irvington. Is the agency overcompensating now? If so, I think they are sorely off the mark.

John and Carolyn Jackson appear to be upstanding, Godly people. They are well spoken. They are hurting. They are standing firm on God's promises with a faith I hope I am never forced to display.

I feel very powerless that there isn't more I can do to bring justice for this family. I can send a letter to Gov. Christie. I can pray. I can send money for their legal fund. But that, and this little blog to try to bring awareness, really doesn't feel like much.

I heard they have a Facebook page, but I couldn't find it. I did find links to other articles about the Jackson Seven:

http://reunitejackson7.blogspot.com/

http://reunitejackson7.webs.com/

http://joyfulwith3.blogspot.com/2011/04/reunite-jackson-7-tell-nj-dyfs-to.html

Please pray that this family can be reunited soon. (And please, hug your kids extra tight!)

Green Grappling

My first Earth Day as a mother sent me on a green spin for a while. I opted for Ecologically-friendly alternatives for everything I did. I started recycling religiously, stopped buying petroleum-based cleaning products, and even cloth diapered for a little while.

I felt good. I felt smug. And maybe just a little superior. But by the next Earth Day my greening was seriously waning, with the exception of my Green Cleaner and recycling.

Last Spring, as editor of Franklin Lakes Patch, I produced a Green Patch series for Earth Day. One article for each work day in April. In doing so, I discovered that recycling is actually big business. Our garbage is our largest export, and in this down market, commodities like paper and steel are actually thriving.

In interviews with local garbage and recycling companies, I found out that recycling helps the economy at the local level. Municipalities are actually get paid by the companies who pick up our recycling, which off sets our taxes. American paper products are particularly valuable. China is paying good money for our paper because our tree-derived pulp is superior to their rice paper.

With this knowledge in hand, I no longer feel guilty about the huge pile of paper I recycle each month. Instead can rejoice while buying a box of two soy milks, that I'm not only saving a dollar, I'm helping to generate to offset my property taxes. Or something like that.

Guilt-Free Gift Guide

Looking for Christmas gifts that doesn't leave you feeling guilty? Here are a few ideas:

Toys Made in the USA: Pure Play Kids sells natural, battery-free creative toys and play things, most of which were made in America (or Europe) and produced under environmentally friendly conditions. From infants to grade school, the company offers a wide selection of toys you can feel good giving.

A Hand-Up: The nonprofit Kiva.org provides micro loans to small businesses around the globe. Kiva users can lend as little as $25 (which is repaid 100-percent) to their choice of more than 3,500 small businesses around the world. A Kiva Gift Card is a feel-good gift that can be recycled over and over again as the loans are repaid.

The Gift of Life: By the end of 2011, close to 1 million people living in third world countries will die from malaria. Enter the Moskeeto HoodE, a technologically advanced garment that repels insects, including mosquitos that carry malaria. For just $22, you can purchase a Moskeeto HoodE to protect someone living in an area where malaria is prevalent.

Educational Opportunities: In America, we take going to school for granted. But just across the Texas border, children in Juarez, Mexico, don't get a free-education. For $35 a month, or $420 a year, you can sponsor a child's education in one of the poorest and dangerous communities in the Northern Hemisphere.

Clean Water: Nearly 1 BILLION people do not have access to safe, clean drinking water. For as little as $10, you can make a difference thanks to The Water Project. The organization does more than just dig wells in Africa, they engage communities and help to change lives.

Have any suggestions for guilt-free gifts? Share them in the comments!

I AM AN AMERICAN

Whenever I am asked my nationality, I always say, "American." The typical response is, "Well, yeah, we are all American. I mean, where is your family from?"

My family is from America. I'm not Irish American, or German American, or Swedish American. I am American. English-Irish-Scottish-Welsh-German-Swedish-Dutch 14th generation American.

My first ancestor came to America in the first half of the 1600s. Richard Stout settled in Salem, Mass. in mid-1630s. From there, he moved to Gravesend, NY.

His future wife, Penelope Kent Van Princes, came to America in 1639. She was born in 1622 in Holland and came to America with her first husband on their honeymoon. On the passage over, her husband got sick. The voyage ended when then were shipwrecked on the Jersey Shore (at Sandy Hook). The rest of the passengers travelled on to safety, but Penelope's husband was too sick, so she stayed behind with him.

According to legend, the Indians came, killed her husband, scalped her and left her for dead. She was reportedly disemboweled and crawled to safety in a hollowed out tree where she subsisted off maple sap for days until she was rescued by other indians (Kind Navesink/Leni Lenape Indians). These "Good Samaritan" indians took her back to their camp, nursed her back to health and allowed her to live among them — as an equal.

From what I understand, Penelope lived with the Indians in what is now Monmonth County, NJ, for about a year. At that time, her people came back for her. The Old Indian who saved her life asked her if she wanted to stay with the Indians who treated her so well or go back with her own people, who basically left her for dead. She missed her culture and her religion, so she went with them back to Gravesend.

Years later, she returned to Monmonth County where she and her second husband, Richard Stout, are said to have purchased property from the Indians and co-existed peacefully with them. (I don't know if that is really a fact, or just legend.) My family has pretty much stayed in New Jersey ever since.

I am 14th Generation American. My family tree has some interesting people on it: Abe Lincoln (sixth cousin, fourth removed), John Bowne (author of the Flushing Remonstrance, which was later taken nearly word for word as the Freedom of Religion doctrine of the Bill of Rights), and revolutionary war general, Mad Anthony Wayne. (But I think my coolest ancestor is my Great Aunt Carol, who was a Roxyette, the dance troupe precursor to the famous Rockettes.)

I am the 14th generation of my family born in America.

I AM AN AMERICAN.

Taking Christianity to the Streets

We all have walls. I live in an area that's just spacious enough that I see my neighbors sporadically, rarely even. I don't really know most people who live on my street. Except for the ones with kids, which aren't many, and I don't even know all of those.

We stay inside and see each other in passing. Extended conversations during power failures, and when fire trucks or ambulances stop on our street. And the only time we ring our neighbor's doorbells are on Halloween. The rest of the time, we hide behind our walls.

One of the things I find interesting about Occupy Wall Street is that people are taking to the streets and not hiding behind walls anymore. That includes faith communities. A loosely organized group of pastors calling themselves The Protest Chaplains have emerged from the Occupy movement. It is inspiring to see.

On Sundays, they hold interfaith services in Zuccotti Park. (Yesterday, The Council of Elders from the Civil Rights movement spoke. I wished I could have been there! I hope to find footage to watch.)

After the protestors were kicked out of the park last Tuesday, many churches in the area opened their doors to occupiers, showing genuine Christian hospitality. It makes me happy to see Christians openly acting like Christians should.

One thing I hope comes out of Occupy Wall Street is that we tear all our walls down.

Month of Discontent Cont'd (Part 5)

I fell behind (again) on my discontents. Let's see if I can pull this together quickly.

Nov. 16. I hate that I don't appreciate all the good things that I have more often.

Nov. 17. I hate unfair labor practices. I hate that feel I have to choose between affordable and humane. I hate that the toys my kid wants for Christmas are probably made by kids, in sweatshops.

Nov. 18. I hate that people, online, would rather argue about philosophical difference than collaborate on points they agree upon to come up with a common solution.

Nov. 19. I hate that a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch. Many people are wholesale dismissing the Occupy Movement because of the actions of a few.

Nov. 20. I hate how much clutter I have accumulated. How much junk we have! (And how much effort it seems to take to get rid of it!)

Nov. 21. I hate that my preschooler completely hates naps. But then crashes at about 4 p.m. and is super cross if you try to make him get up!!!

Christmas Shopping Dilemna

I am having a disconnect between my conscience and my pocketbook this Christmas. I don't want to spend a lot of money. I don't want to be inconvenienced. I don't want to use credit cards. And most importantly, I don't want to violate my personal ethics.

Growing up in Mall Capital of America, I want to avoid traffic, malls and parking at all costs. Enter online shopping. No crowds, no traffic, no hassles. And paying with debit cards or paypal ensures I don't overspend and increase my debt.

But this year, I'm having a problem justifying online shopping. Over the summer, there were some exposes about unsafe working conditions in Amazon.com factories. That's something that I just cannot support.

I also don't think I can shop at Kohl's anymore. It's tempting when a 30% off coupon arrives in the mail, but of course, you have to use your credit card to take advantage of the coupon. Plus, I find most Kohl's clothes fall apart pretty quickly.

The big sticking point for me is knowing that many of the clothes were made in China and other countries without fair labor practices. For all I know, it was made by some little kid who spends 10 to 12 hours a day in a factory instead of playing outside.

I am hoping to be able to make the right choice in purchasing presents this year. (I shutter to think where McQueen and Thomas are made!!)

Have any good American-made gift ideas? Know of a place to shop online or locally for it?

Can OWS Change Anything?

For the last two months, I have been watching the Occupy Wall Street movement pretty intently. I haven't made it to an occupation yet, but I know some people who have. So between some friend and organizations I follow on Facebook and Twitter, I've been getting a daily dose of news without having to leave the comfort of my home.

At times, I have been glued to the live stream. Yesterday, they were arresting people. Non-violent, peaceful resistance person after person. Not sure what law they were breaking, but they were in violation of something, I'm sure. As people chanted, "Stop and Frisk has got to go! We say no to the new Jim Crow!" person after person was flex cuffed by police, in a seemingly polite and orderly fashion, as an Occupy Wall Street film crew interviewed each person being arrested. Some had plenty to say. Some had nothing to say.

It was mesmerizing. Intoxicating. Entertaining.

I don't know what to make of the whole movement. The movement has been criticized for not having clear demands, for being in violation of laws and for just being dirty (and possibly lazy). Of being a bunch of anarchists and radicals.

One think I am sure of: Occupy Wall Street has started a conversation. A very important conversation about political inequality and corruption of corporate America. This conversation has been a long time in the making and I am glad that it is finally getting the attention it deserves. (And yes, I believe in personal responsibility for the poor as well as the rich.)

Today, I discovered the movement has produced a "New Common Sense," doctrine. I haven't read through the entire thing. I think it takes its name from Thomas Paine's Common Sense and it reads similar to the beginning of the Declaration of Independence.

Here's the beginning:

Common Sense from the "99%"

Introduction and Preamble

"When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for the Citizens of a Nation to petition their own Government for a redress of grievances, the People have a duty to exercise their rights under the First Amendment collectively if they so choose. To this end, We the People hereby assert our right to peacefully assemble and petition our Government for redress when we feel that this is our best, and perhaps only remaining option to seek remedies.

"We affirm that any lasting and workable solution must reach beyond mere politics, that political issues do not matter at a time when our collective voice has been nearly silenced. We believe that the current political climate has caused a paralysis of our Government. We find that our individual opinions mean little when we are no longer being properly represented. In fact, we believe that the Balance of Power between the Branches of our Government has been corrupted to the point where it can answer only to members of an affluent and politically active upper class. The impending result of this imbalance is that government of the People, by the People, for the People has almost perished from Our Nation. We believe that government has been influenced by an external source that has conspired to control it to the point of stalemate. We believe that this was forced upon us by “special interests”, corporations, lobbyists, the banking and the financial sector including Wall Street and the Federal Reserve, who together have used unrestrained financial leverage leading to the corruption of many politicians, regardless of their political party, resulting in great damage to the People and to this Nation.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all are created equal regardless of their financial status. — That we free Citizens of the United States are without exception endowed under a Federal Constitution granting us certain unalienable Rights. — That among these Rights are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure and protect these rights, our forefathers drafted this Constitution, ratified by the then several States and agreed to by the People. — That this Constitution defines and protects us all with a system of Checks and Balances by which the powers and responsibilities of government would be divided amongst the Federal, the States and the People. — That this original Social Contract in which those powers were granted has been repeatedly violated by the Federal government. — That we no longer are represented by our Government. — That we no longer have a voice in our Government. — That the limits of power of the Federal Government have been deliberately and repeatedly breached. — That our Government has become destructive towards the vast majority of the same People that they are supposed to protect. — That outside influences have gained unreasonable power and influence within our Government. — That the Fair Election system is being systematically dismantled and no longer allows for a full, on paper, verification and accounting of actual balloting. — That We the People have the Fundamental Right and Patriotic Duty under the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights to peacefully assemble and to demand that the Government cease and desist from or correct any of these violations. — That the Government cede back to the States and to the People all such Powers that they have unconstitutionally seized, regaining such Powers from the States via Constitutional Amendment if they are to have them at all. — That our Government must Right these encroachments on the People by realigning itself to the Constitution. — That vague interpretations of the Constitution should be clarified through civil discourse leading to a series of new Amendments and with full participation by the several States."

The full text can be found here: http://anoncentral.tumblr.com/post/12409353866/for-the-99-the-new-common-sense-must-distribute. I admit I haven't read the whole thing, so for all I know it posts ludicrous anarchist, antidisestablismentarianism demands (The big word used is one I was taught as a child was the longest word in the dictionary, and I think I am actually using it appropriately, but as always, I could be wrong....)

As I said, I don't know what to make of the whole thing, but I appreciate that the conversation has been started, and I admire the sacrifice people have made to bring the conversation to the forefront. I hope the conversation continues to productive change.

What do you think of Occupy Wall Street and The New Common Sense?

More Discontent (part 4)

Nov. 13: I hate cancer. I found out today that a friend has breast cancer. She is a wonderful, sweet, caring woman of God, with an itty baby and a huge heart. I am standing on Faith that she will be healed. My heart completely breaks for her though.

Nov. 14: I hate whining. I hate hearing my son whine. I hate hearing other people's kids whine. I hate listening to grown people whine. But most of all, I hate it when I whine. (Don't think the irony of whining making the Discontented list is lost on me...)

Nov. 15: I hate fighting. I personally hate having arguments with people, but I also hate witnessing other people's arguments. The anger, things said in the heat of the moment that can't be taken back. Out of control actions, intentionally hurting others. I hate it.

30 Days of Discontent, Part 3

Nov. 12: I hate when people badmouth God. When they don't have respect for the creator of the Universe. When they call belief in God ridiculous. Or a fairytale. Or the natural reaction of dimwitted individuals. I cannot begin to explain how angry this gets me.

I have gotten into a habit of reading HuffPo Religion articles and the comments, which are awful. An article posted on Veteran's Day spoke about how churches are reaching out to returning Veterans. The comments were horrific: The church is manipulating our returning vets. Haven't the vets been deceived enough already? Churches are always on the lookout for new prey. The key to praying is talking to yourself and believing something intelligent is listening.

I get really burned up reading these comments. I have even commented to the contrary a few times and been personally attacked, so I try not to say anything any more. I know I shouldn't even read them, they make me so mad.

And I can't really explain why I get so angry about it. I don't think I feel personally insulted, like it is my belief that is under attack. There are plenty of things that I feel strongly about that others don't have to agree with and I don't get this upset. Make fun of my clothes, my choice of music, my favorite TV shows. That may annoy me, or embarrass me. But it doesn't come close to evoking this same level of anger in me.

I guess I am just completely offended that people can talk about the God of the Universe like that. I don't know how to respond or reply to it. I do have some friends who are nonbelievers, and we have interesting and respectful discussions, which I am completely OK with. But when people openly mock God, that gets me mad.

30 Days of Discontent, Part 2

Somehow I got a full week behind on my posting. Here is a quick rundown of more discontents.

Nov. 5: I hate that marriage is so disposable in our culture. I am lucky to come from a happily married family and to be in a good marriage. Growing up, I was one of the only one of my friends whose parents were still married. Today, I see marriages collapsing all around me (and not just the Kardashian variety). Sure, marriage is unbelievably hard work at times and the concept of forever is hard to swallow some days, but that's what marriage is.

Nov. 6: I hate that the laundry never ends. Yes, I am grateful to have clothes to wash, and a washer-dryer in my basement so I don't have to go to the laundromat, but there is always another load to be done, folded and put away. It never ends and I can never seem to get ahead.

Nov. 7: I hate Daylight Savings Time. Changing the clocks screws up my internal clock every time. And now that I am a mother, the ways it messes with my kid's sleep really makes for a bad week.

Nov. 8: I hate politics. I hate political commercials where one candidate just bashes the other. I have no idea what is fully true, what is outright false and what falls somewhere in between. I vote because it is my right, privilege, and duty, but I don't fully engage the process because I feel like everyone is lying and I don't know where the truth stands. It makes my brain hurt.

Nov. 9: I hate junk mail. For starters, it is mostly someone trying to sell me something and I don't even look at it. It is a waste of many resources — paper, ink, postage, to name a few — but it also contributes to my overall clutter problem. The sheer volume of junk mail received in this house is overwhelming. I even paid a service to opt out of junk mail, but it clearly didn't work.

Nov. 10: I hate procrastination. To look at the way I operate in life, you would think that I love to procrastinate. That I must get a rush out of putting things off to the last minute. But in reality, it stresses me out. I hate the way that I continue to put things off — that need to be done — until the last minute.

Nov. 11: I hate war. On Veteran's Day, I am extremely grateful for the sacrifices brave men and women have made for our country and the world. But I hate that war exists. I hate that families are missing loved ones overseas right now. According to iCausualties.org, Operation Enduring Freedom has resulted in 2,798 coalition fatalities and Operation Iraqi Freedom has resulted in 4,801 coalition fatalities. And those are just the figures for people fighting on OUR side.

30 Days of Discontent

Many of my FB friends are doing 30 Days of Gratitude for November. I'm having a hard time getting in the spirit of it and instead feel like posting 30 Days of Discontent. I will update this as the month goes on:

Nov. 1: I hate that so many people lie. Little lies, big lies. We are surrounded by lies. Politicians, bosses, employees, friends, neighbors. Everyone lies. Even I lie. Whether a white lie to my kid or begging off a social engagement because I'd rather lay on the couch and watch Real Housewives.

I can't count the number of times I've committed the biggest lie of our time: "I have read and accept these terms and conditions." Sure, it is a harmless lie, but I still hate that lying is normal, accepted and expected in our society.

Nov. 2: I hate feeling like everyone had their hand in my pocketbook. From "charities" to commercials to the cable company, everyone is trying to separate me from my money. We are blessed to have so much, but I feel like I can never get ahead.

Nov. 3: I hate that poverty exists. I lead a fairly sheltered life, so I don't need to confront poverty face to face on a regular basis. But I know it exists. I know that I have it so good in my warm suburban home, and I am grateful for it. I donate food and clothing to the church's mission closet, but it feels like teaspoons in the ocean.

Update: Nov. 4: I hate that ministries and ministers sometimes come off as greedy. It gives all Christians a bad name. For instance, this story tells about a bankrupt church whose pastor was allegedly collecting a lavish salary. It doesn't say how much he was getting paid, but still, stories like these do not do anything to glorify God. In fact, it turns a lot of people off of Christianity. And I really hate that.

Almost Finished the Book

I feel like I should throw a party. It's taken roughly six years, but I am almost finished reading the Bible. I bought the "read the Bible in a year" Bible around 2004, and needless to say, I've been sidetracked along the way. Not to jinx myself, but I've made it to "Dec. 26" in the Bible and its not yet Halloween, so I'm pretty confident I should be able to finally get to the last page before the last day this year.

Now that I'm almost at the end of the book, I feel I've finally earned the right to voice my opinon on what can be a very controversial subject.

The Bible is a very thick book. It speaks on many things, and recounts generation after generation of God's people and miracles. It's story after story of God using ordinary and flawed people to do extraordinary things. There is so much history and wisdom and warnings. It guides and instructs. It is filled with all range of human emotion.

Do I believe the Bible is the Word of God? Yes. Do I understand everything it says? No.

But I do understand that every verse needs to be taken in context, and now that I've nearly reached the end of the book, I understand the story as a whole and have a better grasp on verses within their context.

On Facebook this week, a friend posted: Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure, Miriam was a gossiper, Martha was a worrier, Thomas was a doubter, Sarah was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was… old, and Lazarus was dead.... Now, what's YOUR excuse?)

That is one thing that struck me so strongly in reading the Bible. From the beginning of time, mankind has been flawed, and yet God still loves us. David is called "a man after God's own heart" and even he fell to sin, some pretty serious ones at that (lust, adultry, murder). Yet he repented and God forgave him.

I know that we are all sinners and fall short of the Glory of God. All I can do is my best to follow its guidelines in my life. And since there is so much of the Bible, I would be overwhelmed to try to memorize every rule, I'm going to stick with the verses that apply to my life. Like ministering to the sick and broken hearted. To loving my neighbor and helping community. Sharing what I have with others. Clinging loosly to the things of this world.

I am sure to have a hard enough time following those to be concerned with verses that have no direct bearing on my life (ehm, Lev. 18:22).

If you have never read the whole Bible, I highly recommend it. Whether you believe every word or not, there is much you can take out of it to apply to your life. And there really is no other book I know of that is like it.

Lighthouse Looking for Diapers

Lighthouse Pregnancy Resource Center in Hawthorne provides an outstanding service in our community. A non-profit, faith-based crisis pregnancy center, Lighthouse is a safe place for women who find themselves pregnant under less than ideal circumstances. Through its network of volunteers, Lighthouse provide emotional and spiritual support, parenting advice and material needs to women throughout pregnancy and the babies first year.

In talking with Debbie Provincher, executive director at Lighthouse, it became clear that one thing these new mothers and babies need are diapers. Twice a month, on the second and fourth Saturday mornings from 9 to 11 a.m., the center' overflow center at the Rea Ave. Reformed Church in Hawthone is open to accept donations of gently used clothes, items and diapers (visit the website for a complete list of items needed).

You can also hold a diaper drive at your church or club, or even organize a baby shower for a new mom. For more details in our area, please contact me at RKAbma@gmail.com.

If you need help spurring you on to help, read this guest post at Rage Against The Mini Van: What I want you to know: Pregnant Out of Wedlock.

Opportunities Arise!

Praise God, freelance work has come my way! I've written a few articles for Patch and have another with Bergen Health & Life.

More exciting is the music and ministry opportunities that have come up in the last few weeks. Singing at church, Bible study, GEMS and possibly recording. It's all good and exciting!

This week, I had the pleasure of writing about Lighthouse Pregnancy Resource Center for Patch and attend a concert by Endurance benefiting the center. I have a special place in my heart for Lighthouse and have written about the center several times, always with a different director. I've been wanting to get involved but wasn't sure what I could do. Debbie Provincher asked if I would be interested in organizing diaper drives. I'm not sure what is involved with that exactly, but my heart cried yes. If your group or organization is interested in having a diaper drive, let me know!

I'm so grateful for all the blessings in my life and thank you all for your prayers and support!

Show & Tell

Some days, I have some really smart and really wise Facebook friends. My friend Linda shared this little gem today:

"I remember loving Show & Tell, because when a person brought something that was cool to them, it gave me a glimpse of who they were and I could know them better. If we allow Him, I believe that God wants us to be His show and tell...use us to help others to know Him better."

What a great picture. It got me thinking: What am I bringing for Show & Tell?

I'm not sure what people see when they look at me, but I can guarantee it isn't always a glistening reflection of God's love and grace. God, please help me with that.

I know a lot of people don't like Christians, not because they have anything against God, but because they think we are a bunch of cherry-picking hypocrites who twist pieces of scripture into intricate origami figures resembling whatever want.

That was made pretty clear to me on another Facebook thread this week. A friend posted about the controversial Lane Bryant magalog, to which a "Christian" responded with a "Jesus Juke" that started a heated discussion. Lines such as "that's what is wrong with organized religion" and "aren't Christians supposed to be loving and compassionate" peppered the thread.

As Christians, can we all try do a little better letting God's light shine in? Help us with that God, would you please?

Thank you Linda, for sharing your insight and reminding us all to bring better things to Show & Tell.

The Drought After 9/11

The coverage of the 10th Anniversary of 9/11 is overwhelming. I feel compelled to read it and watch it all, yet, it would be impossible--and inappropriate with an almost 4-year-old in the room--to follow all of it.

In the aftermath of 9/11, the one thing I remember so clearly is that it did not rain. In the few days immediately following the attacks, I remember thinking how fortunate it was that it did not rain, because that would have made the search efforts that much harder. Then on Friday, Sept. 14, the National Day of Prayer and Morning, the heavens opened and poured down.

But after that, it did not rain. It did not snow that winter. I don't think it rained that spring. I remember working at the newspaper and writing drought after drought article. I remember my father and I keeping a running count of how many days without rain. I don't remember when the rain finally came. (When my dad gets back from his trip, I'm going to make him get out his 2001-2002 records to find out the exact day. The National Weather Service's record of significant weather events for New York City doesn't show any for that winter or spring.

To me, the dry weather felt like God's mercy on the workers of Ground Zero. I cannot imagine how hard and gruesome the work was, and it never let up. But at least they weren't also working in the rain.

Tomorrow, Pastor Jeff is going to preach a sermon about Where Was God on 9/11? I wonder if he will mention how God stopped the rain.

The Last Good Day of the World

I remember it plain as day. My sisters and I met at Great Adventure (aka Six Flags) for a day of riding roller coasters. It was Sept. 9, 2001. We had a good time, and for once I kept my nosiness in check and didn't ask my older sister if she was pregnant yet. I didn't even think twice to say anything when she, after standing on an hour line, side stepped getting on the roller coaster (turns out she was pregnant, but so early, she wasn't sure).



It was a fun day. Me, both my sisters and their husbands, a boyfriend who was slowly becoming kind of serious, and endless roller coasters. We even had a group photo taken on the Great American Scream Machine. We rode Rolling Thunder, like, a half-dozen times because we heard it was being retired.



When the park announced it was closing, it was just the then-boyfriend and I left from our crew, and I actually ran across the amusement park to ride the Nitro one more time, just to prove to myself that it was indeed much better than Medusa.


On the drive home, I fell asleep on the Jersey Turnpike, but then-boyfriend woke me up in time to see the Twin Towers majestically looking over us. I recall being struck by the number of windows randomly lit up at 10 p.m. on a Sunday night. One thing I have always loved about the New York skyline is how many people are there. Each window illuminated, each headlight, represented another person. All those lights put in perspective that I am just one of many. And my problems are much smaller than others.



It was the last time I saw the Twin Towers in real life. We all know what happened just 36 hours later.



The next night, or rather the early morning of 9/11, I had a very vivid dream. I was on a children's playground with other women -- mothers -- who were running to scoop up their children and hold them close to their chest. It was a bizarre dream and in the moment, I chalked up to my biological clock ticking, but would haunt me for months.



It is hard to believe 10 years have passed.

A Good Morning

I wake up and smell the coffee. I'm not a morning person and my sweet husband has learned the nicest way for me to wake up is with coffee and quiet. So he brings me coffee in bed, leaves it on my nightstand and quietly shuts the door. I then have 30 minutes to slowly wake up, while I read, pray or journal.

Every morning isn't like this of course, but the days he brings me coffee (and I use my 30 minutes wisely) are guaranteed to be better days.

I was reminded of this after my friend Kerri posted this video, a mash up of retro coffee commercials where husbands insult their wives's coffee (it is pretty shocking how far we have come in such a short time).

Upon watching it, my first thought was, if my husband spoke to me like that, I'd throw the pot in his face. But then again, early in our relationship, he told me (in a much nicer way) that my coffee was bad and I didn't argue. So now, he sets the coffee every night before bed.

If I need a cup in the afternoon, he will make it if he is home and if he isn't, now that I'm boycotting Starbucks, I make my own (bad) coffee or visit my friend, who's husband makes awesome coffee (so awesome, I wish he would open a coffee shop at the end of my block, ehm).

Being served coffee in bed, and then using my time wisely, doesn't happen every morning, of course, but when it does the rest of the day is pretty smooth.

For about nine months, I was working from home, and mornings did not start like that. Hubby still brought me coffee in bed most mornings, but instead of reading my Bible or writing in my journal, I would check my email on my phone. Life pretty quickly derailed.

Living in a work-a-holic state, I asked Pastor Jeff, the busiest man I know, how he finds time for everything. He told me he starts every day with prayer and meditation and the rest falls into place. I tried it for a week, and realized the job was getting in the way of more important things.

A month into leaving full-time work from home employment and resuming my quiet time, I feel much better about life.

And I love -- and appreciate -- that my husband still brings me coffee in bed. Thanks babe.

Why I Am Boycotting Starbucks

Starbucks CEO Harold Schultz is getting a lot of positive press in the past few weeks for his Upward Spiral campaign. In it, he pledges to withhold campaign contributions until our elected officials can work together to fix this country, and he encourages others to join him. (AOL Chairman and CEO Tim Armstrong, my former boss's boss's boss, and J. Crew Chairman and CEO Millard Drexler have joined in the pledge.)

Last month, however, Mr. Schultz was in the midst of some negative publicity. He was scheduled to speak at the Willowcreek Leadership Summit, but an organization threatened to boycott Starbucks if he fulfilled his contractual obligation, so he backed out of the Summit.

As a Summit attendee, I was kind of shocked by the whole thing. Why someone would boycott a company because their CEO spoke at a leadership summit was beyond me. But after hearing the story, I was kind of disgusted with Starbucks. The boycott petition had fewer than 800 signatures on it, yet he still caved.

I instantly felt like I couldn't support a company who's CEO is so wishy-washy, no matter how wonderful its lattes. Bill Hybles, of Willowcreek Church, encouraged summit attendees to still support Schultz, to buy his book Onward, and to buy a cup of coffee. But I just can't do that. And I was a serious Starbucks devotee before this.

That afternoon at the Summit, we were also shown a World Vision video detailing how many people in the world subsist on $2 or less a day. Contrast that with my $5 daily latte habit and the whole thing seemed evident. I have not bought a cup of Starbucks since. If Starbucks begins to pledge $2 of every latte sold to World Vision or some similar organization, I will end my boycott.

Of course, when it comes to meeting friends for a cup of coffee it seems at times that Starbucks is the only game in town. I've had to explain on multiple occasions that I won't go to Starbucks and try to scramble to come up with another meeting spot.

I'm not suggesting everyone boycott Starbucks. But it would be nice for people to suggest other places to meet up ;) It would be extra nice if someone opened another coffee shop in my town (hint, hint coffebuzz).

You Might Think I'm An Idiot

One of my Facebook friends posted a YouTube video by a comedian who argues that people who believe in God are idiots. I don't recommend watching it. I don't think it is very funny, and I don't think the audience really thought it was funny either.

It was the second time in as many days when I was confronted with the "dim-witted believer" stereotype.

Over the weekend, someone I've known a long time said he wanted to talk to me about my faith because he doesn't understand how someone so intelligent and seemingly not crazy could believe in God.

After telling him that my glasses just make me look smarter, I tried to explain that I've witnessed too much, experienced too much to not believe. I've read the Bible (almost all the way through now) and I believe it is the Word of God.

Of course, he then argued that the Bible was written by man, who God gave the same Free Will he gave you and me, and is therefore filtered through human lens. So how can you really believe all that?

To me, that question is packed with so many other questions and tangents that I didn't even want to get into, so I simply explained that, to me, what it takes to believe in God is really a matter of taking everything you think you know, everything have learned about the world and throw it away.

"Oh, so you have to suspend belief in order to believe?" he asked, laughing (not quite at me, I think).

"Well, yeah," I replied. If you think about it, that is what you have to do. Suspend belief in everything the world calls true.

If that makes me dumb or dim-witted or even mildly crazy, so be it. I simply do not believe the facts of modern life are indeed facts. I do not believe he who dies with the most toys wins. I don't believe you have to be right even when you are wrong or be the first to finish the race.

So how does an intelligent person believe in God? Take everything the world has told you about what is important or what is good or what you need, and forget it.

Forget about comparing yourself to other people. Forget about scheming to get ahead. Forget about worrying about the future. Forget about regretting the past. Forget about finding yourself or losing yourself or reinventing yourself.

Suspend belief in the world and start to believe in the Word. It really is a better way of life.

Miracle Monday: The Disappearing Brain Tumor

Who doesn't love a good miracle? I thought I'd start the week out right by declaring it Miracle Monday and sharing an amazing story of God's healing in my church this week.

Now, I have to admit, I am a natural skeptic when it comes to miracle stories. Oftentimes, I feel more like the story is an urban legend than fact, and maybe that's because the stories are coming second, third or fourth hand (or more).

I hope you won't feel that way about the miraculous case of the disappearing brain tumor. I watched this unfold this week over our church prayer chain and Pastor Jeff shared about it at church this morning.

On Tuesday morning this message went out over eBlast:

Please pray for a member of our Bridgewater Campus, Darlene. Doctors found an operable brain tumor. Doctors are optimistic since they caught it early. Please pray for healing and peace for Darlene and her family.

On Tuesday evening, an update was sent:

***UPDATE*** Darlene does not have a tumor!! She has an aneurysm. She is going to Overlook Hospital for emergency surgery. Pray for wisdom for the doctors, a speedy recovery, and peace for the family (they have 2 kids).

There was no follow up on Darlene's condition for a few days, but no doubt the Powerhouse Prayer Warriors were at work. (Powerhouse has an amazing prayer team. There is a whole group of people who pray through the service for the church, and other people standing on the side of the sanctuary to give prayer after the service for anyone who wants or needs its.)

After being told she has a tumor, which was then "downgraded" to aneurysm, on Saturday this message goes out:

****UPDATE ON DARLENE****
Darlene had exploratory surgery this week to find out what they should do, and when they were looking at it they found that it is healing & clotting "by itself"!!!! We know it's not by itself, it it by the hand of God! The doctors have only seen this once before. Please continue to pray for Darlene's healing, as she is to take it easy for a couple of months before she gets back to normal activity.

Wow! Praise God! How awesome is that? I mean seriously, how awesome and amazing is that? It is unbelievable. Unless, of course, you believe in God and have seen what only He can do. All those miracles recorded in the Bible and handed down through the ages weren't just a one-time deal. God is still in the business of making miracles.

If you've heard any great miracles lately, I'd love to hear them! You can post in the comments or send me an email or Facebook message.

Silence! (and other good Facebook thoughts this week)

I love when a good Facebook status inspires me. Earlier this week, singer-songwriter Gwen Smith posted a quote that really spoke to me. On a side note, Gwen and her ministry Girlfriends in God (GiG) new book Trusting God will be out before Christmas and is now available on pre-order.

“The Holy Spirit will not shout down the noise of our busy world to counsel you. He won’t try to silence all the racket in your thought closet to be heard. To hear His counsel, we have to quiet ourselves and truly listen.” (Jennifer Rothschild, Me, Myself & Lies)

Did you hear that? If we want to hear God's voice, we have to SILENCE all the noise in our head. Turn off the TV, the radio, the podcasts, Pandora. Shut off my thoughts, my frustrations, my planning. Stop running lists, stop plotting my next move, stop worrying about what comes next. Be still, be quiet, breathe. (Or as Danny tells me, Ok mommy, take three deep breaths. One...two...three.)

Another good Facebook status came from my Aunt Doris today. (For the record, Doris isn't really my aunt, but I have known her all my life and she is a wonderful woman of God who is always encouraging me, praying for me, and teaching me.)

Doris posted something very similar to this on my wall, and rather than just copy and paste it into my status, I retyped it in my own words:

Church is my college, Heaven is my University.
Jesus is my principal, the Holy Spirit is my teacher, and my classmates are Angels and Saints.
My study guide is the Bible, trials and temptations are my exams.
My homework assignment is winning souls, prayer is my attendance, the Crown of Life is my degree.
Praise & Worship is my motto.
Enroll today, there is room for all and no student loans. Your tuition has already been paid in full!

(***Editor's note: There is something funky going on with the fonts...my apologies.)

Now What?

It's been almost three weeks since I left that all consuming work-from-home job in local news. Since then, I have significantly caught up on housework, quality time with the family and quiet time.

I have sent out at least a dozen resumes for freelance work and even a few emails for volunteer work. I've played guitar. I've played trains. I've set up play dates. And I have done a lot of laundry.

Now, I'm just feeling bored.

I feel like I should be doing something. Not in the sense that I feel like there is something I forgot that needs to be done (like move another load of laundry) but like there is something I should be doing with my life that I'm not doing, only I'm not sure what that is.

So for now, I'm just waiting. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. But I am waiting.

When Did the TV Censors Quit?

I was watching an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey this afternoon and found myself wondering when TV stopped being censored.

What got me questioning this wasn't so much all the cursing that isn't bleeped out (since when can you say the b-word and the synonym for donkey on TV?) but the fact that the word retarded was bleeped over. You can use the Lord's name in vain over and over again, and you can call your mom a b*tch, but you can't tell her to stop treating you like you're retarded?

I am, of course, not trying to say retarded is an OK word to use in any situation. But I also don't think it is right to say Oh My God unless you are actually praying or reading the Bible.

Part of my objection to all of this does have to do with my being a mother and understanding all too well how much influence the world will have on my 3-year-old son. He came home from daycare saying "Oh My God" this spring and we have had to tell him regularly that, in our house, we don't say that. We say oh my goodness (not even oh my gosh).

And no, I wouldn't expose him to the Real Housewives franchise. But I find myself more and more offended by what is on television these days.

First, I asked my husband about television censorship. He was sitting right next to me, and as a social studies teacher he is pretty knowledgeable in these things. He said something to the effect that Hollywood is all about pandering to the lowest common denominator and there are no morals left in society.

That still didn't answer my question. When did TV censorship end? On the show Madmen, which is set in the 1960s, they are complaining about the censors, so it had to be after that. But when?

So I did what any reasonable woman would do. I googled it. And after not finding much information, I stumbled upon this article by the Museum of Broadcast Communication.
Apparently, censorship initially was due to assumptions that the viewing audience was a bunch of WASPs, which as a white Anglo-Saxon protestant, I don't have a problem with. However in the mid-1970s, demographics began to change.

"Ratings researchers began to break down the viewing audience for individual programs according to specific demographic characteristics, including age, ethnicity, education and economic background. In this context, the baby boomer generation--younger, better educated, with more disposable income--became the desired target audience for television programming and advertising," the article reports.

So my husband was right. It was about advertising and making money. (I am sick of everyone having their hand on my wallet!!)

The article explains that special interest groups started fighting for equal screen time. And I have no problem with non-WASPs being portrayed on TV. But I don't understand why cursing and partial or total nudity is allowed on TV. And I really do not understand what minorities getting equal screen time has to do with the decline in morality on television. It's just a lame excuse, I think.

I know RHONJ is on cable TV, but at the same time, the past seasons are now replayed on network TV without any extra editing. Is there a difference between networks and cable anymore?

For the record, I tried to cancel television last week and was told that in order to not pay through the nose for internet (on Cablevision or FIOS, the only options I could find in my area), we had to also have cable television and phone. We went for the smallest package, but at the same time, I find it offensive that I can't get internet without also getting TV.

I am working on figuring out how to put "parental controls" on the TV, more because I don't want to see this garbage than because I am worried about my son seeing something he shouldn't. And I know we could just turn the TV off, but we won't.

What do you think about what's on TV these days? I personal wish we still had censors. Sure, married couples couldn't share a bed, but unmarried couples couldn't either.

Keep Calm, Carry On

The panic completely set in today. I have no job. My last paycheck is already spent and I don't know when or where the next one will be. I guess this is where the faith part is supposed to kick in.

At the Leadership Summit last week, someone (Lee Schlesinger, maybe) spoke about how you can't predict financial future based on past market performance. Kind of like how Bill and I bought at the top of the housing bubble saying you can never lose money on a house in Bergen County. You can never be certain of what the market will do.

With God, however, its different. We can be confident of our future in Him precisely because of past performance. He is constant, unchanging, unwavering. I am so grateful for that. Over the years I have seen Him do what only He can do. Not just once, but time and time again. And it is because of this, because I have seen what I've seen and know what I know about God, that I know I can trust Him to get us through this.

In all reality, our checkbook may be unbalanced right now, but in the grand scheme of things, we are ridiculously well-off. Even after cutting out my salary. Of course, we are still going to have to make some major spending cuts to get things balanced again.

Later this week, we will be looking over the figures together and taking a much closer look at wants versus needs, costs versus benefits, to see what we can cut and where we can't. It is going to be challenging and hopefully we can agree on what to cut and what to keep.

If any of my thrifty friends have suggestions for cutting costs (without cutting coupons) please share in the comments.

Sing Praise!

I am determined to use my talents to further God's Kingdom. It is a decision I made on Sept. 12, 2001, when I cancelled the last gig on my calendar. It was scheduled for Sept. 14, somewhere in Connecticut with Roger Guimond's Bellydancer. With what the world was going through, there was no way I was going to cross the Tapan Zee bridge to spend the night in a smokey bar singing Bobbie McGee.

For the past decade, I have reserved my singing for God only. I've sang in different churches, learned all new songs, written a new album's worth of new material and met many amazing people along the way. My walk hasn't been perfect. And it hasn't been very fast, but if you put enough baby steps together, you can cover a lot of ground.

As I made the bold decision to leave my paying job, God assured me that He Will Provide. I know, it might sound like crazy talk, saying I asked the Creator of the Universe to give me concrete direction and he obliged. You might call it a coincidence — not more than 15 minutes after I asked God for a sign, I got an email inviting me to sing at the GEMS conference — but I've experienced too many coincidences to believe in random chance anymore.

I don't have a specific big goal in mind. I just want to use my talents to sing God's praises and to go where He leads me. If you need a singer, please think of me. And also, please like my new Facebook page. I hope to start posting songs and videos there soon. (For now it's just links to Rambling Rebecca!)

Thank you all for the encouragement and support!

New Beginnings

On Wednesday, I stepped off a cliff. I walked away from good paying job in a bad economy with nothing more than blind faith and a handful of freelance leads.

Crazy, isn’t it?

I am confident (audaciously confident) that God will provide for me and my family. He will provide.

Provided, that is, that I do my part. I need to take care of the precious gifts He has bestowed me: a great family, good friends, many talents, a free country, multiple church families, good health, and abundance that borders on obscene.

Other things I need to do:

• be grateful for all that I have and grateful that I have it so good.
• stop getting distracted by shiny objects and storefronts.
• be a good wife and mother (see Proverbs 31)
• accept this—and every—moment in time for exactly what it is.
• clean this house!!!

Day 1: Filling the Bucket — Bill Hybels-Style

My first day of freedom was spent at the Global Leadership Summit. The Willow Creek Association put together an outstanding speaker lineup. I was only able to attend one day, but the I came away with so many takeaways.

If you’ve never been to #wcagls, it is something to behold. People of all different backgrounds and denominations gathered simultaneously across the globe with one thing in common: Belief that GOD’s Word is still alive in GOD’s World. GOD IS still in control, He does Still Have the Power, and In Him, all things are possible.

Even in a venue of 125 or so people (of whom I knew four), it was still a very powerful, moving, magnificent, awe-inspiring experience. (Of course, such a bold international event can draw controversy, and regardless of what Bill Hybles says, I feel lead to boycott Starbucks...especially since I can no longer expense it on the pCard...)

Here are some insights I gathered from the day. These aren’t direct quotes, just random impressions:

• Everything is more powerful set to music. — Rev. Steven Furtick

• If you want to write, write. If you want to sing, sing. — Seth Godin

• The Holy Spirit will give you the power to do the things in his name that he has called you to do. — Rev. Brenda Salter McNeiil

• When someone says, “God told me” they are never 100% sure it was God talking. They are 55-plus-percent confident. — Furtick

• Start in Jerusalem (your community). Go to Judea (a little further down the road) learn the customs, learn from the people. Share Christ’s compassion. And if he calls you to Samaria (the place where evil reigns supreme), Go. Pray hard, but go.— Rev. Brenda

• Don’t just pray, fast and pray. And stand with others as they fast and pray. ... A bundle of sticks can’t easily be broken. ... What you see around you is a reflection of what is inside you ...When you clean up what is inside you, you can clean up your surroundings....There is no such thing as an obstacle, just an opportunity. — Cory Booker

• The new economy is based on entrpreneurialism. ... Anyone can be a success. Anyone can be a failure. ... People who succeed are those who know it is ok to fail. ... Be smart. Don’t invest more than you can afford to. — Lee Schlessinger

• If you want something bad enough, you will do anything it takes to get it. Sell the sofa if you have to. You will do what you need to and get the job done. —Bill Hybles

• Do what you enjoy ... Be your own boss. ... He who owns the machine, has all the power. — Seth Godin

• We are used to saying Please and Thank you. But with God it is Thank you than please. (And it might be nice to say it in that order with people as well.) — Furtick

• Follow God’s leading....Dig lots of Ditches...God will make it rain...Only God can make it rain. — Furtick (Elisha Rocks!)

• Our country was founded on the backs of righteous men and women who stood in the Gap. Who did the right thing.—Booker

• Just do the next thing....Don’t worry about the destination, just do the next thing...Don’t worry about what to do next...Do the next right thing...Make your next move...Move from here to there....Take baby steps....Lead where you are.

• God will guide and support you the whole way. Just stop and pray. Remember to stop and pray.

• No matter what you are called to do, give it all you've got....Even if you are called to be a stay at home mom, give it all you got. Be audacious.—Furtick

That was a lot to take in for just one day, right? I want to thank Gracepoint Church for their kindness and hospitality. Even though I came by myself, I never felt alone. I promise to come back and visit soon.

Now, to tackle the 8-months-worth of grime on the kitchen floor. God help me!